Listen

 This past Sunday as the band met to pray before the service started, CHad shared with us that shook me to my core. He said that all during practice, he was stuck on one word; listen.

 I have been very neglectful to listen for God's guidance over the past few months. The week leading in to this past Sunday was a particularly rough week for me. As I prayed over the song selections for the weekend, two words hit me; listen and repent. When Chad said "listen," all I could think was "repent."

 I know that God has called me to serve Him, that He has drawn me to Oasis, and that He has called me into ministry. I have been learning more about what it means to serve as an Elder, and as a Deacon, and that's why I felt the need to share this with everyone. I want to make myself completely transparent, to hold myself accountable.

 As I write this, I repent of my sins; from my anger and cynicism, which fuel eachother and cause many vile thoughts and actions, to my bitterness toward my family. I repent of my selfishness and pride, of my hypocrisy. I claim to love the truth while embracing lies, and I repent of my problems with pornography, and my lack of communication and often miscommunication with my wife. Most of our fights and arguments are because of my lack of communication with her. I trust her completely but my actions don't always show it. I repent of my lack of time invested in the Bible; I claim hunger for the truth, yet too often I neglect to spend time reading and studying the truth.

 I repent of my lack of faith, of not trusting God as I should; of my own self-pity as well. Too often I neglect to repent, and end up trying to justify my sin by saying I'm too dirty to even ask to be clean. I am a filthy sinner, we all are; Nothing good dwells within us. That is what makes Jesus' sacrifice so amazing; we don't deserve it. I know I fall short, I know I will let myself and others down from time to time, but I take comfort in knowing that Jesus paid it all.

 Lord, Thank you for the cross. Thank you for making me lsiten. Thank you for my family at Oasis, for the wife I don't deserve, for the family I sometimes resent. You are the indescribable God, and it is you who can and does give this dead sinner life. I pray that you would tear me completely open and replace that filth that is in mie with the greatness that gives you glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

Comments

[Chris]

Kenny, I know that those kinds of moments are very humbling and also very healing. Thank God for his promise of when we confess our sins He is always faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us fromall unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). You were not only transparent in your posting here, but also on Sunday as you lead worship. It was evident that the Holy Spirit was doing a work on you even as you led us to praise Him.