If you had cut me when I was a child I would have most likely bled Mt. Dew. I was the kid who prided myself on being able to down an entire 2-liter of the sweet green nectar in less than fifteen minutes. I was addicted to the stuff and that’s probably why I was wound up so ferociously when I was a kid. Suffice it to say that I got a little antsy in my pantsy every time I got that glorious hyper juice running through my veins. But there is something weird about that buzz you get from drinking a liquid that’s highly infused with caffeine and sugar. The sensation comes on so strong but often lets you down so hard. I’m sure there is a scientific reason for this but to be perfectly frank, the reason isn’t important for this discussion. What does matter is that part about the sensation coming on strong. Feelings are much the same. Feelings often come on strong and leave you somehow feeling deflated. To picture this simply imagine the day after Christmas day. Though you’re happy to have received gifts and spent time with family and friends there is this odd emptiness on the day that follows. I think the reason for this is that you get so emotionally charged about the day and all the things that will happen in it that it’s easy to suddenly feel empty once it’s all done. The holiday season is filled with so much insane hustle and bustle that once it comes crashing to a jarring halt things somehow tend to feel less. If we really stop to think about the host of emotions that often take center stage in our lives I believe we’ll tend to find that most of them don’t have a very extensive shelf life. The exception to this rule seems to be bitterness and hatred. It’s amazing to me that many divorced couples that I’ve known often hate each other far longer than they “loved” one another.
I put the word “love” in quotations marks for a reason. Not long ago I did a post on this blog called “Love is a Verb” that addressed this whole topic in depth. I went on to elaborate about the famous love definition we find in 1 Corinthians 13. Rather than hash all that back out I would rather you stop reading this blog now, get your bible, and read 1 Corinthians 13 for yourself. As you read it ask yourself this question, “Do I see feelings or actions being described?” I think that when you examine the scripture closely you’ll find that the definition of love we get from scripture is nothing but one big descriptor of action rather than feeling. A feeling is stationary. An action is mobile. Action matters particularly when it comes to love. For different people the actions others must do to demonstrate their love might appear different to specific individuals. However, action is still the fundamental engine powering love in terms of how we demonstrate it.
As Jamitha and I talked over this subject between ourselves we worked hard to try and identify how we receive and give love to one another. We tried to isolate the elements in the types of love that were laid out for us this past Sunday (see Chris’ teaching from October 23) to better understand what we need from one another in giving love as well as receiving it. I don’t tell you this to toot our own horns or shout, “Look, we’re doing our homework,” but rather I mention this simply because I think this is the way that it should be with all couples or any relationship for that matter. If we really sought to know one another I think we would find it is the action of seeking to know one another that makes such a tremendous difference in how we perceive the people in our lives.
I’m not saying that feelings don’t matter because that’s not true. I simply feel like scripture puts emphasis elsewhere and in a certain kind of order. We know from studying scripture that God values the notion of feeling. So don’t come away thinking that I’m giving you advice to cut off all your feeling feelers. That’s not the point. Feelings and action go hand in hand. It seems like many couples that fall apart do so because their lives simply grind down to a halt in the worst kind of way. They begin to exist with one another rather than live with one another. If you’re primary concern in a relationship is the initial thrill of heightened passion then it’s easy to feel great about your relationship. But what happens when that goes away? Are you left with anything that’s solid? Do you continue to need that fix to make your relationship seem as passionate as it once was? Don’t simply tolerate others in your life. Discover them. This means more than just being a “feeling junkie”.
From the very beginning God has been giving us a masterful portrait that uniquely illustrates what a real relationship should look like. That example is his conduct with us, his creation. God INVESTED himself into us. He has been working at us since he conceived us. He has been in constant action in regards to us. His love for us extended beyond mere feeling. John 3:16 doesn’t just read, “For God so loved the world.” Instead John 3:16 shows the action of what God did because he loved us. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” I believe this is a wonderful illustration that feeling and action go hand in hand. It also illustrates that God is true to Himself when makes a promise to us. There is not one promise that God makes in the Bible that he does not keep because the foundation of the relationship that he established with his creation was not based on some flicker of passion but rather a profound sense of covenant. A covenant is a promise.
Let’s pause right there. Stop to think about that word “promise”. It’s really quite a big word that I fear has last lost some of its stalwart character through callous verbal abuse by society at large. Yet the ideal of promise, or commitment, is precisely what rests at the heart of the concept of covenant. Commitment is a word that is notoriously scary amongst the male of the species. In movies we often hear about how men are afraid to commit. I don’t think this is specifically a man problem. I think it’s an everyone problem. A commitment, a promise, a covenant, call it what you will, is the core element at the true foundational heart of any relationship. The reason being is that a covenant is binding and lasting. A covenant doesn’t last for a moment. It is the glue that holds a relationship together.
If we can fashion this idea into our lives and make it a habitual part of who we are then every area of relationship in our lives will gain strength. Yet we also must be leery about clever counterfeits that sell themselves in our heads as legitimate substitutes for the real thing. Instead of going on like this for a few more pages I would rather lay down a challenge for each of us, myself included. I would beseech myself as an author and you as a reader to examine how we define each of the relationships in our lives. Consider what it means to live in a covenant relationship. And last…don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions. More importantly, don’t be afraid to listen to the tough answers.
If we really sought to know one another I think we would find it is the action of seeking to know one another that makes such a tremendous difference in how we perceive the people in our lives.
Thanks for sharing that Chad, I really appreciate it. The above quote is really powerful. I think of it with the homeless guys I worked with. The things people say about the homeless are so irrelavent, crazy, etc. when I got to know the guys who were homeless.
It is hard to ask someone like a guy who is homeless or a friend what they need in order to be loved. Thanks for sharing
Posted by: Val | October 28, 2005 at 06:39 PM