Headship & Submission

One of my favorite subjects to talk about (tongue-in-cheek)... especially in today's culture. But it is not up to me to pick and choose which sections of Scripture we study and which ones we leave out. So yesterday in our Oasis Large Church gathering we studied Ephesians 5:22-33... the roles of husbands and wives (please note: NOT the roles of "men and women", but of "husbands and wives"). If you want to listen to the MP3 file, click here.

Scripture is clear that marriage is a covenant. And like every other covenant that has ever been made between God and His people, marriage has a “head.” Every covenant that God ever made, someone was responsible for that covenant… the head. Marriage is no different.

Whenever we talk about "covenant and headship" we need to understand something very important. This is not an issue of “culture.” We’re not talking about reinstating traditional values. I do not believe yesterday was better than today. I believe scripture is better than today.

I wonder why we have such problems with the arranging of a hierarchy of authority in our relationships? We must realize that subordination does not imply inferiority. "As the church submits to Christ," Ephesians says, "so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." It is a divine principle, modeled by the very nature of God Himself. The Holy Spirit witnesses to Christ. Christ witnesses to the Father. And in obedience to His Father, He was willing to be made a little lower than the angels. That is, He was willing to be a mere man. 

Actually, I do know where the problem of this teaching stems from. It comes when a man assumes the role of head but he’s not under Jesus Christ or God the Father. When a man wants to assume the role of head but is not, himself, in submission to Jesus, then what you often have is chauvinism, or a dictator. That’s a man who is worthless. He wants to be king but he doesn’t want to be under the king. Then you have a real problem.

But in a Godly relationship if a wife says, “I don’t want to submit to my husband,” the question for her is, “Are you better than Jesus?” Did Jesus yield himself to the Father? Continually Jesus submitted himself to his authority… God. All authority is passed down from God the Father. No man has any authority apart from God. Which means if a man is in sin and telling a woman to do something that is against Jesus and in sin, she need not listen to him. Why? Because he is not her final head… Jesus is.

Conversely, if all wives had husbands who were obedient to God’s Word and “loved her as Christ loves the church” then there would never be an issue with this teaching. In fact, women would be lining up to submit to men like that. Because his number one and two goals are to honor Jesus and his wife… and together they both grow closer to Jesus and to one another.

Do you begin to see how beautifully this works when we are living in God’s cultural design… not ours? In ours the man has tried to be head without submitting to Jesus (The Cause). The Effect… women have rebelled, refusing to understand submission or accept the roles God has beautifully created for them. But when Jesus is the ultimate Head, there is no problem. There is no worry, no competition of roles, no gender wars. Why? Because we both have the same goal in mind… to honor and serve God the Father in all we do.

Only the love of Christ can bond the marriage in covenant as scripture is instructing us. In the kingdom of God, our marriages need to have an abundant flow of living water. There is no greater love that a man can have for a woman than that of loving her with the love of Christ. This love transcends all other loves and gives the Biblical marriage its true strength. So it is with the woman. While romantic love is certainly a part of marriage, it is not that kind of love that bonds the marriage in covenant. Only the love of Christ can do that.

Personally, one of the greatest privileges of my life is that I have a wife. I have a wife! And she loves me, and respects me, and compliments me like the Holy Spirit compliments the work of Jesus. She makes it easy for me to love her like Christ loves the church. I recognize the great responsibility that has been placed on me as head of my family… and I do not take it lightly or for granted.

My prayer this week is that God would challenge the men to be molded in the image and likeness of Christ. That our wives would see Jesus when they look at us. And then submission would be no problem for them because they will actually, ultimately, be living in submission to Christ.

Comments

[Des]

Chris,
I really appreciated the difficult teaching this past Sunday. It was one of the best that I have ever heard on this subject. In the society that we live in today, it is so easy for us to bristle, at the mention of the word submission. We have a very difficult time with that word. I believe the reason is because it has been used so negatively, and as a source of power from an ungodly standpoint. Men who are not modeling their life after the example of Christ, have tried to use it to rule their families, and their wives in particular. As you said and I believe, if we were to truly love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, then women respecting their husbands would not even be an issue. We men need to step up and take on our role as the spiritual leader of our family, very seriously. It will work. Thanks again, for teaching all of God's word.

[Sherrie]

I agree Des! It brought great insight for me! It opened my eyes and especially heart for the awesome responsibility between a husband and a wife.
Sherrie

[Julie]

Does this mean as a woman I cannot become Christlike if my husband is already the Christlike head?

[chris]

Not at all Julie. In the same way it does not mean that men cannot be filled with the Holy Spirit or be used in the same way as the Holy Spirit, as "Helper", just because he is a man.

Being "Christlike" is not limited to only a few people, or one gender, or race, etc. There are many characteristics of a "Christlike" heart and spirit. Men are called to be Christlike in the way they lead their families and love their wives. Women are called to be Christlike in the way they respect their husbands and raise their children, etc.

I hope I have helped your inquiry a little.