validation

Took the whole family to Donkey yesterday evening. Brock and I played chess. He's just learning, but picking it up rather quickly. Made some fresh guacamole and salsa last night... a treat for the Thomas house church. Of course we sampled some first.

Over the last week I have had a word come up in two or three conversations... and I'm thinking about it again this morning. It's the word "validation." Why is it that we constantly need to be validated? It doesn't matter who you are, everyone seems to have a need to be validated. We seek validation in lots of ways and means. Before I go any further, some definitions for validate, validation, etc. are: "to establish the soundness of"; "to be marked with an 'official' sanction"; "effective and binding"; "justification"; "confirmation."

Over the years I have been, or felt, validated by a number of things: [1] Athletic ability... Playing, or now coaching, sports has always been a way for me to gain the attention of my peers. I have always felt validated by athletic ability. [2] A large, high profile youth ministry... We were the church everyone was talking about. People visited our youth programs to "take notes." There is a feeling of validation when you are on the "cutting edge" of church culture. [3] Invitations to speak at national conferences... The feeling you get when you arrive in a city and kids stare at you... they know who you are because they have seen your face in the brochures, on the wb sites, etc. Then you speak before the thousands, and afterwards everyone is doting all over you, wanting to talk to you. There is a feeling of validation that comes with a taste of fame. [4] Being rebellious... What? I'll explain. There is a warped sense of validation that comes when you feel like you are stirring up trouble for the sake of righteousness. Because although you stand in the minority of a new and profound way of thinking or doing, you are certain there are others out there who are experiencing a similar paradigm shift and that you will find them. [5] Preaching... I get a sensation out of delivering a message to an audience. There is a feeling of validation, especially when I know it has touched someone in a special way. [6] Playing music/leading worship... These are two diffierent things, but they often come together for me. Watching a group of people connect with their Creator through the music I am playing and the songs I am leading send chills of validation down my spine every time. [7] My wife and my kids... All the ways they say I love you, I need you... are an immediate source of validation for me.

I'll stop there... although I could go on. But here's the problem.

All of those things provide NOT validation... but a sense, a feeling, of validation. Sensation and actuality are two very different things. I have lived much of my life for the sensation... overlooking actuality. How do I know? Because validation should be a permanent thing. How can I be validated one day, and then "unvalidated" the next? But it happens when you are living under a false sense of validation. If I am the enemy and I want to make you feel "unvalidated" then all I need to do is begin removing everything in your life that makes you feel validated until you are left standing alone and feeling worthless, meaningless, insignificant... all feelings of someone who does not feel validated.

Of my list of things above only a few still remain. Therefore I still have to fight against the false sense of validation and instead, embrace the real thing. So what is the real thing? Is there a real thing? If so, where does it come from? One place... Jesus. We need to constantly be reminded that our validation is in Christ, and Christ ONLY. Whenever we begin to seek validation in something other than Jesus (i.e. people, kids, husband, wife, job, school, ministry, church, etc...) then we will never see ourselves the way God sees us. We will always find ourselves disappointed or frustrated about something... or looking for something else to validate us. I have a friend who calls these endless searches "digging empty wells." We dig one over here, looking for water that will satisfy, but it comes up empty, so we move over there and dig another, only to eventually find it empty as well, and the quest continues... forever, unless a well that never runs dry is found. The sad things is, there is pleasure in the digging, because you actually think you are going to find something. You are excited because you are certain "this is it!" But that pleasure soon subsides and you are left with another empty hole in your life. Some people have lives filled with empty holes. Holes of seeking validation.

I know I've done it. I still do it. I want to be noticed. I want people from all over the country to read my blog, comment, and invite me to come and speak at their church... thinking that somehow that will validate me once again.

Those things are great if they happen... but they don't define me anymore. I used to be defined by baseball, then I was defined by my youth ministry, then I was defined by my preaching, then I was defined by my wonderful wife and children, then I was defined by being a jackass, rebellious freak who goes against the flow... but what do I do after all of that??? What defines me now? Well, I could try and stir something else up. I could create another reason to feel validated.

Or I could just love Jesus and let Him love me.

And BE validated.

Comments

[Lisa M]

WOW - this one was deep. I have been thinking about all the "holes" I've dug in my life searching for validation, yet never really "getting it"! I had never thought of it this way -- what an eye opener!!! Perhaps that is why God seems to be so evident to me now......I'm NO LONGER DIGGING!!! I FINALLY GOT IT! In Christ it is settled -- I AM VALIDATED!!!!

[chris]

Very cool Lisa. Thanks for commenting. Hope the Meadows household is feeling better!

[Pammy]

Chris,
I will never forget the night you told me about validation. It was exactly what I was struggling with...validation from friends, co-workers, and even extended family. I was wanting validation sooo badly. It is amazing how peaceful your mind and spirit become when no longer digging or searching for others to validate. Thank you. It has meant a world of difference in my life.