"I Used To Be A Thief"
by Chris Stewart
I got away with it. And I would still be getting away with it today if the Lord hadn't caught me and set me straight. My subject of criminal activity? Ministry. My victims? Parents of youth in my churches. That's right. I used to be a thief, and I was good at it. They never even knew I was robbing them. I was slick. I was precise. I would walk right into their homes and, right in front of their noses, snatch away everything that had originally been given and entrusted to them. Some of them even welcomed me to do it. They had no idea that I was harming them. Boy, was I good! I was even invited to teach classes and seminars to other thieves on how to become a better thief in their community. I gave them examples of what I had done in my community. They were in awe, and often inspired to try many of the same things that had been successful for me.
But like all thieves, regardless of how good you are at it, you eventually will get caught. For me, getting caught was the best thing for me. Now I make every effort to give back what I had once stolen from so many Moms and Dads in the past.
Now, before we go any further, please understand that it was never the intention of the churches who employed me that I become a thief. It just happened. And it happens all over the kingdom of God. The fact is, many youth ministries are built by thieves... young, excited, charismatic, full of great ideas youth pastors and volunteer workers who actually (with VERY good intentions) rob Moms and Dads of their God-given responsibility... to be the primary youth pastors for their kids. I know I did. And today I confess it. I was a thief. Many parents, I believe, in the deepest recesses of their hearts really WANT to connect with their kids on a spiritual level. They want to be the leader that their children need. But for one reason or another they fail. And for a long time I helped them fail. Many of the programs and events I created for kids to participate in did not bring families together, but instead they widened the gap between parent and child. I used to say things like, "Well you know, kids... especially teens... need a place to get away from their parents and just be themselves. If their parents are involved in everything we do then they would never open up... they would never grow." Malarkey!!! Kids have way too much time already away from their parents in order to "be themselves." And as the church, I was flat out wrong to confirm this mentality every time I planned a youth event.
I desire to be relevant to today's culture in bringing the Gospel to it. But the fact is, much of the Gospel message flies directly in the face of opposition to the culture. And this is one of those instances. There has been a growing mentality in our culture for several years that kids need to be apart from their parents in order to grow, develop creativity, original thought, independence, etc. In many ways those are true statements. You have to "cut the cord" in order for them to grow and develop their own personality. But there is an extreme difference between "cutting the cord" and "cutting you off". One is done so that growth may occur. When the other is done growth may occur separately, however, no growth in the relationship will ever occur. One is done so that independence may be developed through interdependence. In the other there is no interdependence... just separation. One is done so that originality can be developed through separate as well as shared experiences. But when the other is done originality may be developed, but it will always be separate, and the two will continue to grow further and further apart. So I am all for "cutting the cord." But lets not mistake what that means.
Parents... we have been given a responsibility by our Creator, our Father. Our responsibility is to lead our children in the ways of the Lord (see Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Leading our children in the ways of the Lord is NOT dropping them off at church so that they can be taught by someone more "qualified" to teach the Bible. There is no one more qualified for your kids than YOU. You fit the job description perfectly. In fact, as soon as that child came out of your being, you were hired! Did you know you were a youth pastor? Yep... the job comes with the kids. When you choose to have kids, you choose to become a youth pastor. The truth is, your kids are more desirous of your time and presence than you might think. In one study among several hundred kids researchers found, by asking kids themselves, that parents are three times more likely to influence their children than the church. Therefore, this brings up a message to youth pastors.
Youth pastors... develop your youth ministry around parents leading their kids in the ways of the Lord. Do not rob them of their God-given responsibility. Celebrate a new vision for kids and their parents as they grow together in the Spirit of Christ. In surveys of teens which emphasize the importance of parents and family in shaping young people's lives: Forty-six percent of teens say their primary role model is a family member, not a pop icon or sports star. Asked to name their greatest influence, 47 percent of teens picked their parents. The second-greatest influence is church (cited by 16 percent), followed by peers (8 percent) and a relative other than a parent (4 percent)*. Teenagers DO care and DO want parents involved, whether they admit it or not. If in youth ministry we continue working with youth only, and not their parents, then we're guilty of being thieves, and trying to become their parents ourselves, which we're not. It is true that many kids (especially teens) get involved with the church without their parents. In that case our purpose is two-fold... to do whatever it takes to encourage the birth-parents of those kids to become involved in what the youth ministry is doing. And in the meantime, in the spirit of 1 Timothy 5:2, "Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." The church is a family. In the church we can spiritually "adopt" those "orphans" among us while reaching out and waiting for their birth parents to respond to the Lord's call on their life as parents.
The bottom line is, our youth ministries must be built with respect for God's wishes... and His wishes are overwhelming as I read them in His Word. He wants Moms and Dads involved in the spiritual lives of their children. So I confess my criminal activity of the past. I will no longer rob parents. Instead, I will spend the rest of my days trying to give back many-fold what I once took away.
* Spencer Good, "Focus On Parents To Influence Youth"
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